Friday, January 1, 2016

I get it now

I get why I'm single. don't worry, this won't be a kits' crybaby pity party. just fact.

I'm really fucking fat. like, rolly fat, all over. I'm so fat in fact that it encompasses any personality I have. you can't get to see who and what I really am for the fat. fat blocked, can't see me for the fat. none of these are working, moving on.

sucks though. I do have my shining moments. really the question is, at the beginning of this new year, do I do anything about it? everyone in my family weighs less than me, I am the fat one. and fatter than anyone I consider a friend. I suppose these things should be motivation. but at the same time, it makes me feel defiant. been fat all my life, what difference should it make now? and how dare you shame me for it. all that lot. both sides of a big ole fat coin.

I dunno. I kind of care, but i don't, and I lack both the encouragement and drive to actually work out. I just don't know. mystery solved though. another case closed...

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