Friday, July 24, 2015
Tuesday, July 14, 2015
so I don't have to get I trouble or explain myself or anything else that comes with publication.
I'm so stressed and pissed off. this shitty part time job I hate, I now find out that I suck at.
this is goddamn unacceptable. I have to get up at 4am, ride public transportation for two hours to get here, I hate these calls, I hate these customers, I hate just about everyone I work with. this, this is the worst job I've ever had, and now I suck at it. I need to leave here, I really do. but I don't have another job yet. and it's seriously not for lack of trying. I'm applying for jobs 10-15 at a time but I never hear back outside of a fucking phone interview. I can't not work but I can't stay here. one month and I'm burned the fuck out on this shit. I'm not cut out for it, I'm just not. this is not customer service, these are not my kind of calls. I'm a problem solver, not a cash register. I need to go. anywhere but here, soon, before I do something stupid...
at 10:34 AM
Sunday, July 12, 2015
these walls are so high and so old. yet they strengthen with time
they are beautiful, with big perfectly clear windows.
I can see out into the world and the world can almost perfectly see in.
but there is no door. no way to get in. only I know the way to occasionally get out.
sometimes, I want the walls higher, the windows bricked, the open roof covered.
shell me in, lock out the world.
sometimes I get so alone inside these walls I claw at them, pleading to the universe to free me and let me allow someone in.
most times though, I watch the world from behind the big perfectly clear windows, inside my pretty walls.
and I watch and I wait for my outside to match the death and decay of my inside, alone.
at 4:05 PM