Friday, November 28, 2014

friday night in the suburbs...

doesn't matter anyway, i'm at work.

good evening, my babies.

so pretty sure this is/was the flu. wed was extremely difficult to stay upright, alert and awake and i ached all over. but i'm betty badass and i had too much stuff to do so i barreled though the day as best i could. i did complain though, as frequently as i could and when i deemed appropriate. thursday was a little better, but not much. i was still super exhausted, had a headache and my nose was either a running faucet or a tiny Sahara on my face. but it was thanksgiving, and i couldn't be a baby bitch on thanksgiving. today is much like yesterday. i'm still tired, the achies came back and my head and nose are killing me. but here i am, plugging away at work. there is truly no rest for the wicked.

other than the health report, not a whole lot more to report. my order for the hand warmers got cancelled due to back order. but that's good, because they are now cheaper. even after shipping, it will be cheaper than the base price on smoko's site. i'll just try it again next friday.

started researching patterns for the things i have to make for cosplays. which will be moot if i don't get around to paying for the cons, but i digress. it's going to be an action packed year of flying by the seat of my pants as i can't find exactly what i need, but can probably modify what i do find. it's an exciting challenge.

also made a major financial decision today. i want to pay my car off. i've done the math that paying my car note every time i get paid will pay it off in around eight months as opposed to the almost twenty-two i have left. i think i am willing and able to swing the sacrifice. at the very least, i'll try. it means i can't buy hundreds of dollars in food a month, which is good as well as i plan to lose some serious poundage in 2015. i am a fat person, and i think i'm legitimately tired of it now. to offset it, however, i'm going to respectfully request the lil start putting $100 on the rent or start buying her own food. i think she'll opt for the latter, since i'm sure she will think it's cheaper. i hope she does. the food i buy and eat will be hugely more varied and healthy than any of the shit she buys, so i can finally eat right, not feel guilty for not catering to her and save money. plus, the money i was spending on the car and food can go to my savings toward the down payment on a house. i may actually be out of that apartment in 2016. my god, it's a huge win win for me. i hope i can actually pull it off.

lastly, the personal front. wow, a first here, folks, a positive in the romance column. so far, he's alright. we mostly talked about games and sports, but he impressed me, legitimately. he not only knew of my favorite game company, but played and liked one of their games. i may not date him, but we will definitely hang out and maybe game online together. the conversation lulled today, but i'll try tomorrow morning to pick it back up with some irrelevant banter. baby steps...

alright, i think i'm done here. i should be writing. stay with me...

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

update sports fans...

i think i may have the flu. i want to be a big ole baby about it. but no one is gonna take care of me and no one is gonna care. and i have to do work. carry on alone per usual...

what constitutes a day on this site?

just a random question, doesn't even matter

sick. again. this time, light sneezies, a little sore throat and some coughings. i don't feel miserable, i just feel tired. but tomorrow will be busy time with the lil and her boyfie. they are running me just a bit ragged.

to ease my stuffy soreness, i bought an assload of tea. i do love tea. hot cold, creamy sweet, i'll drink almost any tea. except  tea with lemon. i got some teas i've never even heard of, but they were only a dollar a box. so if they suck, i can give them away and not be out a lot of money.

finally heard from the coworker's brother. we're just texting, so i'm not getting excited or anything. the list to impress me is very short. even i don't know what is on that list. i guess i'll add to it, if something ever impresses me. i sound so pessimistic and elitist. but, i am. i am pessimistic and elitist about dating.  i can't have my time, energy or emotion wasted. it's a little sad really, i just want to get to the point, either forever or nothing. i know life doesn't work in such absolutes. but i need them to work for me like that. i don;'t know what i will be life if i have emotionally vested in someone and it doesn't work out. i will either be a miserable bitch forever, or i will go full on ballistic. not sure which, but i think the latter. scary. anywho, all this to say, we'll see...

i haven't drawn anything since the last Sweetheart. but i got the froyo girl planned out, just need to find a cute pose. i have been writing though. i'm back into frank, cranking out anything that will come out. is it a story? yes, a good one. is it well written? not really, but that's in post; i just need to get the story out for now. in fact, i should be working on that now, but being a sickie, i don't feel like it.

next time, something interesting, i hope. stay with me...

Saturday, November 22, 2014

more arts

the newest Android Sweetheart

that's milk she's surfing on, i didn't forget to color the water...

this one was fun and i got the idea from a coworker. i was stumped for about a week how to bring this one to paper. next is frozen yogurt. not sure the pose yet, but she will be wearing only in strategically placed froyo, a bracelet and a smile. look forward to that.

i got no other news really. went to see The Color Purple, the musical. it was well acted and very moving. i will be watching the movie as well in the near future. the sets left a lot be desired, though, and there was one point where they used a picture of a live action car in the background ambient scenery. it was literally ridiculous. everyone in the audience was appalled. to the point that when a car horn sounded toward the end of the play, everyone groaned, thinking it was going to be another car picture. but they spared us the second time. thank god. followed the play with dinner at ihop and quality time with the lil and her boyfriend. he's annoying, but he's mostly a good person. hopefully he (and she) grow out of those goofy little irritating tendencies and do some good.
no news on the cosplay front. all of the upcoming ones are very planned out, thanks to cosplanner, but i haven't bought anything new. there's a costume place in ft worth i want to try whenever i get a chance to go that way. probably make a day of it on a saturday or a wednesday. what i did buy recently were a pair of adorable handwarmers in the shape of buttery toast

aaawww yeaaa!

i got them for the brutal winter mornings to come at the part time. but the way things are going, it's looking like i might not even get to use them. these cute, very expensive, unusable things.

other than those things i got nothing. i've been trying to write, but not with a whole lot lot of success. the opus is boring and i want to pay some one else to edit at this point. Lanky Frank has me in a corner, kind of. i don't like what i've written in the current chapter so far and i don't know how to get to the point i want to get to. been working on a different old project too, but it's not as enticing as it once was. i did get a call from a 'publishing consultant' that i requested some info from. but it feels already like i'm going to do a lot of buying of things and/or services i don't need or want. i dunno, not necessarily back in the rut, but not going forward either. just a lot of grand ideas. i think that's worse than being stagnant.

but look at me rambling when i said i had nothing to say. i dunno what i was thinking. guess i just needed to talk. thanks for listening, my babies. stay with me...

Monday, November 17, 2014


i really just wanted to look at my blog. i'm weird.

anywho, today is monday. it sucks. not crazy busy at work. but i also don't have enough to occupy me between calls. so i colored in a coloring book, ate and i'm slowly working on the third chapter of A Night in the Life. i love this novel.

no word from my 'editor.' i hope she's ok. or maybe she changed her mind. but i think she would tell me. we always seemed to have a good rapport. at this point however, i want someone else to edit the opus. i love that novel as well, but i't been a decade, i'm tired of looking at it and i'd really like to finish book two of the series.

i don't have shit else to say other than right now, i hate being female sexed. that is all. stay with me...

Saturday, November 15, 2014

some kind of revival...

bonjour, France. don't know what i'm doing to keep you coming back, but i sure will try to continue it.

i felt good today. have been feeling good for the last two days. i feel motivated, i have plans. not sure what the change is, but i hope it lasts.

i spent most of yesterday and the beginning of today at work planning out cosplays. found a phenomenal, fun app called cosplanner. lets me slap all my plans and progress in one easy to access and edit place. that should keep me motivated for a while, especially since i have five listed already with more to add later.

for the next con season i'm focusing on two characters from BoJack Horseman, Bojack himself and Diane Nyguen, as well as Ai Enma From Hell Girl (Jigoku Shōjo), and a constantly evolving kitsune costume (that's fox in japanese, westerners). Bojack will be mostly a closet cosplay. i bought a horse head and already have a blue sweater. i just need a blazer, a pair of jeans and red shoes. i want a binder to draw away from tits; the binder i did get was way too small. gonna have to go more professional and, alas, more expensive. Diane, however, is gonna be a little more work. i need to make a crop top jacket and alter a pair of booties to match her look. really, i would love to see a costume change for her in season 2. it's a cartoon and all the major characters dress a little weird, but i'm not entirely sure what the hell they were basing her style on, it's kind of gross. the hell girl cosplay is just going to cost a lot of money. i found a site that sells the kimono costume in my size which is fantastic in that i don't have to try to sew a kimono or recreate the flower pattern on said abomination. in addition to that, i found a wig, a pair of authentic japanese geta, tabi and even pinkish red contacts. it's going to be beautiful, once i can afford it. lastly, the kitsune; it started out with the concept of being a nine tailed fox. but the faux fox fur i found is very, very expensive. and heavy. it would be a momentous to try to attach nine of these things of my desired size on an outfit or even a belt. so now it's a single tail, beautiful fox woman. i have the hair, makeup and accessories planned, but i haven't formulated a good concept for the outfit itself. of course, i want it to be eastern themed. but all i can think of is a slightly slutty kimono/cheongsam. but i'll figure it out...

also good news, i may have my house back to myself soon. the little has slowly leaked to me that she's planning on moving to tennessee with her boyfie next summer/fall. while i don't agree with the idea of going clear across the country with some dude without more of a plan, i also kind of don't care. it's their lives, if they fail/fall apart, they will have to figure it out. but the prospect of her leaving has renewed me in a way. sooner than later, i will be alone with the critters. i can do what i want, when i want without having to haul someone somewhere, buy them things like food and stuff they can't afford, have them run up my electricity bill. i can clean my fucking house the way it was before the flood of '12. with just me in a house with the animals, no more spills or smells or clutter or junk. because i'll be either in my room or my kitchen, occasionally in my office. oh my god, i'm so happy just thinking about it. i love that girl, and i will miss her (if this even plays out the way they are "planning") but i wish i could get her out sooner!

oh, and i've been very productive artistically recently. check it and see:


I'm working to improve. i like the first one, the second one, torsos, fucking torsos. and the third one started out great, but the right side of the picture looks like it belongs to a different, enlarged version of the subject. but if i don't practice, even ugly shit like this, i won't get any better.

lastly, before i end this long ass post, i'm being set up by a coworker with her brother. it's interesting. the more she described him the less likely it was he would share my interests, though. he is a gamer according to her, but that's about the extent of what we may have in common. i'm not holding my breath for anything. it's actually probably over before it's begun since i gave her my number for him tuesday and it is saturday night and not so much as boo.

ugh, anyway, good talk, kids, stay with me...

Thursday, November 13, 2014

I took a nap, then woke up thinking...

I've cast the net twice. no catch. and it's not even me initiating the shit. so how shitty are you not to act when you ask to engage me?  I'm no quitter, not this easily at least. but it's frustrating and kind of the reason I don't like putting myself out there. tough skin or not, it can only take so many hits before I go shutting out the world again. whatever, gonna shake it off again and keep strutting. I walk alone...

Saturday, November 8, 2014

welcome to november

and another month of zero accomplished.

last month ended rough. my 21 day challenge was a bust after three days.

i was super  busy with prep and execution of my grandmother's birthday celebration. it was a great time though, and we made a lil ole lady very happy

also started a second dnd group, had one session, and my co-organizer is out of town until the end of the month. but i'm very prepared for every session they will have as they are following the same campaign as my first group. no new maps to make or story to write, just reprint the npc's i lost and we roll... dice.

cosplay is moving at a snail's pace. only thing i have for a new outfit is a horse head. cosplaying BoJack Horseman at some point next year. yet i haven't paid for any cons to wear it to. hopefully some of my fun money this month and in december can go toward getting that accomplished

everything else, however, seems stagnant. work is boring. i have no personal life. social is alright, i guess, but would like more out of it. professionally i'm on hold, waiting to get a contract from the woman who agreed to edit my novels. and for the first time in i'm pretty sure five years, i'm not participating in NaNoWriMo. i just have too much other shit going on and to think about and do this month.

and i'm generally not happy. went to the spa a couple of weeks ago and didn't really enjoy it. even got a fucking cold from one of the rooms, which i am still battling a little. i have nothing to look forward to, nothing excites me, motivates me, moves me. i literally just go through the motions all day everyday. i half cleaned the living room. washed only two loads of clothes. my bedroom has not been cleaned in close to a year. the bathroom, let us not speak of.  i got the car cleaned, but regretted spending the money on it when i realized the cable bill didn't get paid. i just feel like i'm failing at life and falling into mediocrity.

i am not mediocre, i've always aspired for more, known i'm capable of more. the means to get to these places and these things though. i don't know the way or what to do. people say 'just do it, it's so easy, you'll be glad you did.' do what? what is the formula, what are the steps? i'm not stupid, but i feel like i'm stupid when i don't know how to accomplish a goal, especially such lofty goals as i have.

unfortunately, it all boils down to money. i can't afford to spend extra on things that could better my professional or social life because i'm too busy living day to day. and i have debt. sheesh. i've considered sites like indiegogo or kickstarter to raise funds to get a foothold in the right direction. but there are people with legitimate, amazing causes and products that aren't getting any money. a very hilarious youtube cartoon i like has a kickstarter asking for $60k. last i checked, they only had a $750. granted, it's money they didn't have before, but it's disappointing that someone with a good product is not making it. why would someone give me money for my lesser cause?

that's not the right attitude, i know. if i wrote up something pretty and endearing. i might get a couple hundred bucks. like that guy that got like $40k just to make potato salad. but there are so many people asking for free money out there. what makes me more worthy, what do i have to sell? i dunno, i just feel i'd be lost in the sea of lost causes. that would make my old peeve of wasting my time rise to the surface and burn me with anger, making me never want to try anything ever again.

i'm sad. and i'm rambling and i don't have anything else to say right now. 2014 was supposed to belong to me. but it feels like these last few months it's gonna slip out of my grasp. i need something to feel better soon. it has to get better, somehow.

stay with me...