Friday, October 2, 2015


I've had a bit of sake. not too much, still want more. I can't afford alcoholism...

anywho, music and alcohol is making me feely and bold. I considered texting the DM a 'contact pic'. then I contemplated just asking him how he felt about me. neither of these things are going to happen in real life, however.

why, you didn't ask? because 1, I fear rejection and disapproval tremendously. not my greatest fear, but pretty damn high on the list. 2, I don't know what he does with his Friday nights. he may be with friends, family, at a fancy dinner. what I look like randomly texting him pics and awkward questions out of the blue? crazy and thirsty. 3, the repricussions would be dire. he'd tell j, I'd have to have a conversation with him about it, and our game nights would be so painful awkward, I'd eventually have to bow out.

I don't know what to do, but this sucks. here I am into this dude who has no interest in me. I know this, and by all rights, I should get over it and get on with my sad little life. but I can. not. it's been a long time since I was interested in anyone, on top of that, I see him so frequently. then there's j trying to wingman for me. no friend, I get it, you don't. it's not going to happen. even knowing this as I do, my heart is a stupid imature idiot.

I need a life, damnit. then I could focus on anything else in the world.

fucking stay with me...

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