Friday, March 6, 2015


i'm trying really hard not to be that jealous bitch.

because there's nothing to be jealous of. we aren't shit. just 'activity partners' so to speak. we hang out and enjoy dallas together.

so i should not be upset in any shape, form or fashion that the person that i'm hanging out with spends the night with "a friend". the friend unidentified by his sister whom i work with.

there could be several reasons. it was a nasty weather night, so the person he was with probably didn't want to struggle through the shit to get him home. or maybe he was fucking who ever it was. his sister, like her as i do, says he's not that type of guy, that he's really inexperienced and wouldn't be the type to mistreat women or step out on them. but he is, after all, still a guy. and getting your rocks off is important for them. i'm not putting out. so all that energy has to go somewhere.

but i can't trip, i really can't. again, we aren't shit. but i am spending time and gas to go out with him on saturday mornings. putting miles on my car and interrupting potentially awesome sleep. so if  you're not interested, i'm absolutely cool with that. but i need to know that. i hate my time to be wasted. everyone involved is an adult, so let's all act like it.

not that he or anyone else will read this, but the record will at least show how i operate. be real with me, i will be real with you. we can just be cool and hang out, see if it goes anywhere. if so, great, let's try it, if not, i'm good to just be friends or just walk the fuck away. i'm good on all sides.

supposed to go bowling with him tomorrow. i'm going to try to figure out how to act in the meantime. continue like i don't know, trip a little bit and have an attitude, or start distancing myself now. i kind of wanted to keep going out. spring break is next week and i wanted to do something in the evening on friday or saturday. i guess i'll play it by ear like usual. tends to happen that way with my weird awkwardness.

ugh, whatever. i can only do me, so i guess that's what i'll do tomorrow. if i have anything to report, you'll be the only one to know. stay with me...

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