Monday, February 8, 2016

a friend, from work, named nikki..

if its anyone other than my friend Nicole, I'm going to lose my shit. And it ain't her. So guess weekday I'm gonna lose?

quick run down, haven't played d&d in almost a month because frankly people have lives. So the DM messages me to ask if I'm coming this weekend, valentines day. I throw out there that I'm single, still hoping against all I've seen and know that he'll bite. He doesn't. instead we talk about who else might come. J's aunt is sick, which is upsetting because I know her situation. J's girl probably won't come because he's not coming and she needs to support him at this time, all understandable. L's not coming because husband... Blah blah bleh blah, none of this is really that important to this post. The DM tells me one of our old players is returning, and maybe his wife. And then, a friend from work named Nikki might come.

my unfounded perturbance: Nikki is generally a black girl's name/nickname. The DM "almost exclusively dates black women. So in my poor stupid brain he's introducing the chick he likes at work to his nerdy fantasy world. I've no doubt she's a hardbody, as that is apparently also what he goes for.

this is all very stupid, as I'm jealous of a woman I don't know, can only conjecture about, over someone I've never even really has a chance with. I've literally zero room for anything.

but maybe this is what's supposed to happen, on valentines eve, and the eve of yet another anniversary of the cataclysm. Just the reminder I need for where it all began and what it all means, and the reaffirmation of what I know to be true: There is no one true nerd, no one wants this fat black weirdo.

I need to think of a way to commemorate another year of this blog and of being single and unhappy. Should be momentous and heartbreaking, stay worth me...

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