Sunday, February 28, 2016

just... stop.

Last night. Was frustrating for the entire group because of Nikki and her kid. She's really a shitty parent and both she and iyala were getting on our nerves. Nikki for being wasted and iyala for just generally being a brat.
Mike got upset a time or two and by the end of the night decided they weren't welcome in his game anymore.
I'm just tired, really. I want to be over Mike. Sassy and black aside, I'm pretty sure it's a weight thing. Which I can understand. Don't like it, but understand. He like most of society is indoctrinated with the beauty standard that thin in good, fat is bad.
But I'm not rushing to lose weight. I probably should, if nothing else to lower my blood pressure, but I can't list it the way I want to, so until then, I'm good. I'm ok being a biggen.
So we are at an impasse. Rather, I am. I'm not changing, but I'm also not doing it for him, so it's all a no-go. I know this, my stupid brain just won't accept what it knows. So I do stupid stuff, hoping against reason I could maybe woo him. But really I just feel foolish after. It's insanity really, to do the same thing over and over expecting a different result. Guess I'm crazy as hell then.
Yeah, I knew that too...

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