Saturday, September 12, 2015


not my online text based game. these feels.

the DM is pretty much exactly what I've hoped and prayed for. a big ole nerd who's into fat black chicks. this maybe be my one shot. I just have so many doubts.

j&m are rooting for me and the DM to date, since I've officially spilled the crush beans to half our group. those two...

it bothers me, however, his 'flirtations' or whatever, only occur after a night of drinking. he's not full on drunk, but I don't like the idea of being seen through beer goggles.

j assures me he doesn't make moves because we're in a group setting. but I need moves. I literally need to know yea or nay. I can't do signals and signs, I'm literal that way.

he also suggested I friend him on Facebook. makes me hyperventilate a little just thinking about it. also kind of in a Facebook fast but I'm considering it. I just don't want to come across as creepy or thirsty.

I don't know why so many of my issues with this are centered around how I look to other people. I'm certainly not perfection, why do I keep wanting to be seen as such? am I less desirable in my own eyes? weird..

I dunno. the pirate party is next weekend. I'll probably find a pirate hat to complete my medieval ensemble, provided I can find the top. otherwise, improvise.

either way, still inside my walls, giving away nothing, waiting for the wrecking ball.

want to know how this ends? stay with me...

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