this person, right here. me.
I was so excited for Monday, dressin cute, wearing a lil make up, cooking a good meal, flirtin a little. I don't want to do that anymore. because I don't know what the DM is thinking. I know, I can't possibly, and I can't ask. and therein lies the rub.
I don't want to go out of my way to seem open to something without a guarantee of return. guess that's why I don't hardcore gamble either. he might just think I'm a cool chick. and here I go Martha Stewarting it up, flirting and essentially making an ass ofmyself, what few cool points I've collected have turned to awkward points. and you can only redeem those in joke form, at your own expense of course, after a very extended cool down.
all that blather to say, I'm gonna cook the dish I promised, I'm going to be social, but I'm not going to acknowledge or express my feelings. enough denial and suppression, and eventuall, eventually they will go away.
and I'll be me again, for whatever that's worth. not this giddy, dreamy schoolgirl I've been the last month.
period ramblings. whatever.
Monday is just gonna be holiday d&d. slightly longer session, little more drinking. that's. all.
stay with me...