brief rant, won't take long...

i've been in my current job since summer of 2012.

coming up on the three year mark, i realize i kind of hate it. i'm actually really tired of talking to people. and in the current climate of this place, i do it way more often than i should in this position. i know most of what i should to do this job and my manager's job too, should i so choose. i do not choose. i would hate to be a manager here. christ almighty, i think i'd quit first.

anywho, all that being said, i think i'm ready for a change. my original plan was two years as an underling, four as a supervisor, then try to work my way past manager to a different department or training for this one. it doesn't look like i'll get to be training anytime soon. there's three of them now and they are all top notch apparently. so i need to look at different departments in the company. maybe with more money and better hours. maybe...

i currently live off the shift differential i get working into the middle of the fucking night. and i absolutely fucking hate mornings. so i don't necessarily want to work another department unless it pays damn well. but i do want my social life back. i have game nights and date nights, i guess, and other activities i could be doing while i'm slaving away in the dark, unchallenged and under appreciated.

i'm about to look now. with the move to hq, maybe it's also time to move out of this place. i dunno. i love the lazy abundance of downtime i have. i read, write, draw, all my favorite things. but i don't wnt to be stuck in this place doing this job forever. at the most, one more year. at the least, another life change for 2015 is right around the corner.

let's see what happens, stay with me...

holy shit snacks, it's mah birfday!!!

well, at least the birthday of this blog. i actually forgot this year until google showed my birthday doodle. thanks google, the day may have gotten away from me otherwise.

how could i forget such a momentous day as the inception of my worthless, self serving blog? life has been crazy in the last month.

in the midst of my frantic worrying about moving and money and shit, my apartment flooded late last month. the water heater in the apartment above mine (the one the property manager stays in) kind of exploded. a pipe on it did anyway. with enough pressure to wash out her drywall and flood the space between our apartments.

every ceiling fixture in the living room, kitchen and guest bathroom were pouring water. it was surreal but familiar

there's a little sister in there somewhere...

yes, the apartment resembled a scene from bioshock, yet less fun. eventually the drywall in my apartment gave out too and huge chunks of ceiling starting falling out. in the end, the ceiling in everything but the bedrooms is gone. so essentially, i was homeless for a few hours until the property manager called and said she just had an apartment cleaned up and ready to go the same day the flood happened. so i have a new home, at the same price of the last one, for another year.

but wait, there's more. i've been moving for almost a month. a little a time i've been gathering my crap from the old washed out apartment to my new one. and it's be so arduous. the one day i had to move all the heavies, i still had to leave my dining table and sofa sleeper. i'm wondering if it's even worth it to haul them across the property and up a flight of twisted stairs. my back says no.

i'm mostly done though, except for my sister's filthy little hole. i still have stuff in there amidst her shit. while it really wouldn't take long to knock out. i've been dreading it like hell. but i also want to be done so i can finish setting up my new place. it doens't feel like home until it's decorated and clean. right now it looks like a carpeted storage unit.

that's the big story. in other news, dating is weird and awkward. that is all.

thinking about a trip in late summer. but i'm already not about to go because there's no one to watch my kids. i couldn't afford to board them and besides, my dog would have an absolute bitch fit. she already loses her shit when i leave the house for a few minutes. a week without mommy would be the end of her poor little life. james, he wouldn't care, as long as he gets fed. i love them desperately, but they are truly limiting my life.

things are about to change at work. the move happens 6 mar. i'm good, i'm glad. my fat ass needs the gym and to lose weight. gotta start my habit strong. no less than an hour every day i work. i've been improving my diet a bit this week. a lot of salad. some fruit. i still ate unnecessary bullshit. but with all the hauling and trekking with furniture and my worldly belongings, i think i worked a good bit of that off. if i cut it out all together, i will be one fit bitch.

i think that's all i got. except i am so buttfucking sleepy and tired. all these early mornings taking care of stuff. i am not a morning, daytime person.

um, lots of little stuff too, but i'll get to aaall that in later posts. until then, stay with me.

here's to another year...

also, i'm not dead

i am just extremely busy. i'll let you know why soon enough.

been killing me not to blog. stay with me...

Iverly: Monday, Wednesday, and Friday

Iverly: Monday, Wednesday, and Friday

...

i'm so ambivalent right now, it's disconcerting...

i want everything in the world, yet i want nothing to change.

what is wrong with me. i should be happy, flattered. but all i can think about is all the things that can go wrong.

deep sigh. we'll figure out where this goes together. stay with me....

under fire

so, back to max stress level. well, not max, but it's pretty damn high.

got a notice from the complex office. next year's rent is going to be $800+ if i sign again.

i will not be signing again. that kind of money is beyond bullshit for rotted out cabinets, antiquated appliances and noisy neighbors.

i don't want to move because it involves massive cleaning and work.  but i can't pay that. i do want more space for my kids and i'm tired of galley kitchens. i want a yard and a garage. i still want a house desperately.

but i just checked my credit report. while my score is going up, it's still utter crap. rent to own is my only option. i don't have time to go through a full credit fix to try to be more appealing to home loan companies. rent to own down payments that i've seen are nice and low, something i can ask my credit union for and pay off quickly. the next big deal is an area that's not too far from work so i don't spend all the money i save on rent on gas and also not a high crime area where i'll be robbed, murdered or both. so far, nothing is what i want.

i'm scared because i can't stay in that apartment anymore, but i don't have anywhere else to go. every other complex i tried and liked before this one is going to be the same price or more. i can't go back to my mom's and i sure as hell can't live with my older sister. i'm afraid to be homeless with two animals.

worse case fucking scenario, i'm forced to stay. but it will be the hardest year of my life because there will be zero chance to save money to get into a house when i'm paying that much in rent. slightly better scenario, i end up in a different apartment for six months, giving me extra time to finalize a house.

i need solid, expert advice. i need to know my options. but those things also cost money i don't have. just a lot to process right now. i'm so frustrated that my rent is about to pop up by literally 100 bucks. it's extremely unfair and ridiculous.

things

I'm good to be alone. sometimes I think it's the saddest, most unbearable thing there ever was. but then days like this come along, while considering my prospects, and I could not care less.

the coworker's bro is nice, he really is. and we do have a considerable amount in common. but I think we're bored with each other already. I don't chase people, so I'm not going to sweat my brow trying to keep a conversation going. and if he were interested, he'd show it. we're just walking parallel, no converging of lines. and that's cool. I'm not forcing anything, he's not pushing anything. we're good. last message I sent got a curt reply without an open to keep talking. so I think we're done here. cool. life must go on.

gotta get ready for work, but I have more to say soon. stay with me...