something

two posts in the same week.
i'm a wrecking machine...

stuff i'm doing: working on a gamzee cosplay for a convention in june

if you are not familiar, this is Gamzee Makara...

capriciously psychotic...

he is one of the longest surviving characters in a wildly popular/widely hated animated webcomic Homestuck. last year i did a pretty decent cosplay of this lil fella's nemesis and my spirit animal, Kanaya. but Gamzee speaks to me, because he is the polar opposite to everything Kanaya is. over the course of the comic he has both amused and infuriated me. it is because of these feels that i want to cosplay him.

the process is coming along nicely. i got a killer wig. just needs a lil body and styling to get that manical look.

looking into a different, light weight material for the horns. they are quite long, and the instamorph i used for the kanaya horns would be too heavy. i've heard much about Worbla. many of the cosplayers i admire use it frequently. i've seen amazing entire suits of armor made out of this stuff, so it has to be light. i'm going to buy a sample and see how it holds up. i'm hoping to attach the horns with snaps this time, as opposed to the amateurish headband like last year.

i've also purchased some grey facepaint by Snazaroo that is supposed to be top notch stuff. i've been practicing with makeup a lot recently to get a good face down for when i have to dive into the grey goop again.

but i will only have to wear it on my face from here on out. i have also been fashioning gloves from tights. the finished product will hopefully look something like this

glove tut by laceypendragon

so far, not so hot. they are gloves, but they are also so ugly they distract from the illusion. once i get the face paint, i'll paint a pair of my preliminary failures to match see if i can get a little more realism.

for the pants, i'm going back to my fabulous friends at Spoonflower. the design looks good, but i had to go with a more expensive material than the one i used for my Nao cosplay. it was stiff, wrinkled crazy easy and felt like something you make dress shirts out of. the gamzee pants should be loose and flowy, so i went with the more expensive a cotton knit and found a pattern for pajama pants on BurdaStyle.

the shoes will be easy, i have a pair of black sneakers that i will just paint purple and grey. the pièce de résistance will be gamzee's weapon of choice.

clubkind...

for kanaya, i painted a chainsaw (yes, a real one) white. for gamzee, i've found a reasonable price for a set of pins. authenticity, thy name is Kits...

and that's just one cosplay this year. also on my highly ambitious list is Nora from RWBY, a nine-tailed fox and a "harajuku-ish" stylized alpaca. Not all of these will get done this year. but at long as i have three outfits per con, i feel good taking my time designing and working on others.

i. love. cosplay. i've only been doing it two years, but i love the process, the creativity, the learning curve. it's all worth it to be able to strut through a convention and get at least ONE compliment on all the work. that's not why i do it, for any kind of recognition. i do it because it's fun to dress up and be someone else for just a little while. i've lived a great deal of my life in fantasy, which is why i write. living out a character every once in a while is just gravy. 

speaking of writing, next post, updates on the writing. maybe share a tidbit of some other works in progress. stay with me...

anniversary

one year. one. whole. year. since the cataclysm. happy anniversary.

birthday doodle from Google. cute...

i wish that this year had been more productive or more interesting. but i'm honestly surprised i made it this far. it gives me a little bit of drive to make this more of what i want it to be. though i'm still not entirely sure what that is.

cosplay blog is what it mostly serves as. occasional rant about life. i've already had my annual weird-fat-single-girl breakdown, good to go on that front. writing, art, creative type shit. so true to the name, this blog is truly Anidian. i've got no idea what i'm doing, and it shows in the randomness. all it lacks is consistency, really.

which, if i were to make resolutions anymore (i don't. bullshit, all of it), that would be one i make, to give this blog a lot more love and continuity. my day to day foibles could provide moderate entertainment i suppose. add a smattering of my cosplay processes, my written work, real lifestuff and the like for spice. maybe even combine my ambitions undertaking of a second blog with this one. since i can barely do one. more of the same shit, really. just more of it.

i believe my life is a tit more interesting than this blog tells, so i'll try to convey it. stay with me...

oh, yeah, the title...

good morning my babies, happy new year.

i have been wanting to post all seven days of the new year that have passed, but i have been really busy with a myriad of activities. but we're back together now...

i just wish this were a happier post. no, nothing terrible happened and no i won't be shutting down my blog. but i did have a revelation tonight. i figured out what's wrong with me

i do not connect with people emotionally. i have friends, a social life, i interact with people literally everyday. but it's all superficial.

i just... do things. because i'd be weird (well, weirder, i guess, if that's at all possible) if i holed up in my house all the time, never doing anything that involved other people. i'd also probably go crazy.

but i don't connect deeply with anything or anyone i come in contact with. i realize i've done it all my life. i cannot say that i am truly close to anyone. not family members, not friends, no significant others. no one...

and i can't stop. i don't know how. on top of that, part of me doesn't want to. because people are mean, scary, strange creatures. and as long as i keep to myself, stay quiet, those mean, scary strange things won't hurt me.

but it's hit me a lot lately just how the fuck alone i am. people all around me are having these huge life changing events. people who connect better than i do. they are getting closer to home and it's scary. then eyes turn to me, why aren't you next? they ask. i ask myself the same thing. why not?

but now i know the answer. and sadly, i don't believe i will be next. sadly? yeah, a little i guess. i'm crying about it, so i guess so.

last year, very close to this time (1 year anniversary of the blog coming up soon. i may celebrate..) i resigned myself not to care about this shit anymore. just... live, do me, carry on no worrying about this particular facet of life. well the facet is getting bigger and uglier every day. i can't ignore, it won't leave me alone. and every reminder of it gets a little more painful each time.

i am really really fucking alone and i know not one person i would even be close to comfortable sharing my true self with. except you, internet blog. the blind, non judgmental eye. mostly because i have 0 readers. i pretend i have an audience because i thought one day i would like one. now i guess the audience is just the demons in my head. hey y'all. hate to see you back again.

alright, i'm done. gonna shower, masturbate and go to sleep. next post, hopefully something interesting, i guess. talk about writing or cons or something. detract from this ugly little post, keep doing me, alone.

look, another post!

shared by a friend on facebook. while i don't know her full story, i understand she's struggled. i admire her strength to go on and her optimism for the new year. i share that same optimism. 2014 belongs to me.

right about now...

the funk soul brother

sorry if the video weirds you out. i never knew it sucked!

I should really post more mundane shit so I don't go weeks without posting. but at the same time I don't want to be boring. where's the middle ground?

'we'll, kits, what have you been up to?'

I'm glad you asked! about half way done editing the first book of my novel series. after that, I have a duck or two to get in a row before I start sending chapters to my editor. the goal is to have this bad boy polished by the end if the year, 2015 I star looking for a publisher and a house.

also been going through Rosetta Stone like motherfucking gang busters. and it's working. i recognize characters and their sounds outside my learning and can eventually glean words and context. I know this Rosetta Stone is is stiff as fuck (its lack of colloquialism is a main complaint of users), but between Rosetta Stone, anime and various other outlets, I'll be pretty conversational.

also gearing up for the 2014 cons season. it's looking like action packed con-y goodness from february to november. i would love to go to every con offered in the DF-Dub area, but some have pretty spicy prices, and i have a thing about premiering a new cosplay at each one i attend. so between the cost of the pass, the cost of make a new cosplay and, you know, the cost of living, i might not get to go to some of them. but i still plan to look great at the ones i do get to. 

i've also be doing a fair amount of gaming. my friends made me open the pandora's box that is a steam account. i've sunk quite a few hours into steam games so far (and a few dollars, yikes!), but i still myself finding playing good ole nancy drew games. i love nancy drew games. i'm currently on a kick to play every single nancy drew game to date. out of 29 games (30 drops in 2014, woot!) i've played 12. it would be 14, but i've had a hard time getting a good copy of two of them. i love puzzles and they all have a great variety of puzzles, any you can think of. but i think i've gotten too good at them. less than halfway through, i always figure out who done it.

'that's all well and good, kits, but aren't you supposed to be writing? don't you have a novel you're supposed to be working on?'

well, yes. and i am. i try to take time out of every day to work on the novel. but editing is quite honestly the worst part of writing. and editing something i wrote years ago before i started honing my craft is a little painful and tediuous. however, i'm over half way done with the initial edit. by the time i'm clear to submit it to my editor, the polish will be done.

i'm pretty excited. my passions are coming to fruition in ways i would have never imagined. i get to be creative more and more these days. i am exctremely optomistic that 2014 is going to be my finest year as such. one day, very soon, i may even live creatively. writing, creating, crafting, sewing, doing the things i love and actually making sustainable money. i cannot wait.

stay with me...

i got dreams so big.....

colored this today. quite fond of it. wish i could draw as well as i color. i wouldn't have a day job.

how are you?

been  a few days but i'm still doing me. been working hardcore on a novel i started probably seven years ago.it's the first book in a five book series. it's completely done too. it's just really, really poorly written.

i started it well before i began honing my skills, and god does it show. have an excerpt:

“You work for Statori?”

“I am chief of all State forces. I am known as the Viper. You’ve met my student, Jin Odan. And now, tell us, who are you?” Mo turned her head to the floor and said nothing. The Viper sighed. “They are always like this, aren’t they?” he chuckled to Jin. “So DIFFICULT!” He turned and struck Mo with the back of his fist as he spoke. She bent forward but didn’t topple. “What are you going to do with me?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. Viper crouched in front of Mo and leaned into her face. She only glanced at his face, but his eyes told her everything she need to know: this man is ruthless. His eyes were an inky contrast to his pallor and silvery locks. They sat close to his high cheekbones and held all the fury of a rabid animal. He raised a hand to caress her brow, cheek and lips. She cringed at his touch and extremely close proximity. “What I want,” he whispered, “you will know in good time. Until then, who are you and who sent you?” “Go to hell,” Mo whispered back. Vipers face was an instant scowl. He stood and pulled a pistol from a side holster beneath this suit jacket. She watched as he slowly took off the safety and fully cocked the hammer. “Wait!” she said suddenly. “I do have something to show you.” A greasy, self-confident smile crossed Viper’s face. He replaced he hammer, but left the gun trained on Mo. While she had been on her knees, she managed to loosen the ropes around her ankles, without being noticed, but left them taunt enough to stay in place. Mo situated herself so she sat flatly on the floor with her knees at her chest. She then rolled backwards in a tumble and brought her bound hands in front of her. “What the…” Jin remarked out loud. Viper, looking slightly irritated, asked, “Is that it?”

grammatical errors, weird POV at times, giant blocks of indiscriminate prose and dialogue. wow. but the story is completely solid. for which i'm very glad. i've got skeleton for all five books of the series. something i rarely do. like really, rarely. most of my writing i go into not having any fathomable clue how it's going to end. even my blog posts, i just be typin'.

so to me, this is meant to be. which is why i'm working so hard on it. because as soon as i finish something else, i can start submitting chapters of the novel to my editor. yes, i have an editor who i've worked with and trust with my writing. it's not particularly up her alley of expertise (she writes romance, i write fantasy and sci fi), but she knows how i work and i know how she edits. so i'm really honored to work with her on this.

i'm busting my ass to stay on top of this now because this novel is the beginning of a dream that i HAVE to see to fruition. as i mentioned in a previous posts, i've seen a lot of death in the last few months. so many lives cut short makes me realize i got to get moving, do something. i don't want regrets, what if's. i want to know that i at least tried.

i've always wanted to be a published author. i've been writing ever since i could put sentences together. my mind can't be contained, too much shit in this head, man. i gotta get it out, i gotta share. my dream, realized the last day of november 2013 is to publish this novel as my first. sell a bunch of copies, maybe be able to work on the second one full time and quit my job (or at least go to a part time job). then i'll start squirreling money away to make the epic first trip to japan. eventually, i want to be successful enough to make at least one trip to Japan (or any other country i feel like seeing) once a year.

ambitious, i know. don't care. that's the goal. that's why i work. i want this for not only me, but for the people that i love and the people that i've lost. you'll want to see where this goes, i promise you. the ride will be a little bit of amazing. stick with me...