what the fuck...

just realize I've born a hatred for guys, for they way the few I've interacted with have treated me. but I'll be damned if I'll be full throttle lesbian. what am I supposed to do now...

human romance eludes me. people are so superficial and conniving, ultimately just to fuck someone. maybe. people are genuinely in love out there, right? sex is great, but connection on a deeper level is possible. I wouldn't know personally. people only want to fuck me apparently. do I lack depth, personality? what did I do wrong, where did I go wrong?

not try I guess? always wanted a romance, but I'm not one to actively seek such things, not my nature. so since I don't throw my ass at anyone that looks at me twice, I get to be alone. and really, it's kind of a moot point. I already accepted that fact six months ago. looking forward to that anniversary, really. I suppose lil talks like this are just for my reaffirmation that I don't expect much out of life when it comes to love. which is good. I'll never be disappointed that way...

...

blogging on the go, I guess. about to head out to work. late. on purpose.

don't. even. care.

feeling real bluh today. a lil depressed I think, not sure about what though. bad sleep last night too. 

I want spaghetti... but I'm broke.

ugh, just.... uugghh...

feeling inadequate today

so we had a family dinner yesterday, and it came to light that my cousin got engaged saturday night. i am truly happy for her. the guy she's with is nice, treats her well, they make a cute couple. and then there was me. no one said anything (much to my surprise) but i know they were all thinking that i should be next. well, i'm not going to be. not that i don't want to. i too would love a down ass boo to make me his real ride or die wifey. but as i started this blog, i mentioned all the reasons that will not happen. but if it were to happen, i've realized the criteria my suitor would have to posses in order to woo me and win my hand. it's only three things, but they are crucial.

• must love/accept anime/manga. this is non-negotiable. if i'm re-watching my favorite anime for the 9 billionth time, not one disparaging word better be heard

• must love a gamer girl. all games, all platforms, all the time. i don't discriminate, but if you do, you can't be my boo.

• must love a cosplayer. i've discovered it and i love it. deal.

my criteria for a guy is all about me? well yeah, it appears so. of course there are the other things like intelligence, sense of humor, personality, the 'norm', so to speak. but these are kind of hardcore deal breakers too. see why i'm in no rush to find my mr? quite honestly, he'd have to be a male version of me to come even close. and that thought itself is little scary. but if you're out there, sir, and you stumble across this someday, look me up. i'll be around...

product placement!

had a busy mind last night. my nephew is in the hospital and a family friend passed away. i couldn't sleep, my head was too full. so I tried the nature sounds radio on pandora, but it was just like a bunch of New Age music. went to the App Store instead and found a great app for white noise and nature sounds: Relax Melodies. I got the free version, but it's still pretty cool.  you can mix and match the 40+ sounds, including two binaural wave sounds, to create your personal peaceful sound. it also has a timer and alarm to time out the app and/or wake you up. after testing a few sounds, I finally fell asleep to a woman humming a lullaby. sweet and simple. if you're need cool down sounds, something for meditation or relaxation, check out Relax Melodies 

 :-)

it's a thing...

so, I'm a gamer

post on the go... kinda...

it's a slow Wednesday, and I'm dedicating my time to leveling cards on Legend of the Cryptids. if you've never heard of it, don't download it. it's a beautiful, addictive card game available for iOS and Android. been playing almost a year now (as the game itself celebrates it's first anniversary) and I haven't put it down yet. however, today is about tedium, as I've collected too many cards and have to level duplicates in order to merge them to make room for more cards. I have a bit of OCD in this respect that I want all cards to be matched. all the cards collected go into a gallery, and I hate sewing cards in my gallery not fully actualized. anywho, gonna be at it a while, but needed a break. until next time kids, hopefully with something slightly more interesting...

blogging on the goooo!

downloaded the blogger app and testing it out. so far, I likes. gonna save my pics and stories for the web version, but a quick post about bitches not washing their hands in a public potty, ZOOM!

so about bitches not washing their hands in a public potty. you may think you're 'clean', but that's not to say the bitch that used the stall before you was. wash your goddamn hands people!

*end public service announcement*