Sunday, December 27, 2015

wait a minute...

I just had a thought so profound I had to sit myself down and think about it.

scrolling through Facebook real quick, just to check the latest statuses and saw a friend announce her second pregnancy. another friend is teaching her toddler life lessons. another friend post daily the stage of her pregnancy. and I'm over here, single and childless like 

then it occurred to me what all these women have in common. they are all white (one is Hispanic, but married to a white dude and isn't very ethnic, so we gone call her white too, cause she ain't black. see my point below).

all happily married, settled, mothering. of my black friends, of which there is approximately an equal amount, I can count the married ones on one hand, and  there are a few single moms. the rest, the majority, single/divorced, no kids. it's not just me. it's just black women in general. why don't people want us?

there have been sooo many discussions about who the black women is. what the black woman means and stands for, the stereotypes and the need for redefinition of the black woman. I can't even deal right now with the simple thought that me, personally, have to coon and shine with just about everyone I know to be accepted. as an Afro-weirdo , their is no singular safe category I can fit into. with whites, I'm the token. with blacks, I more or less have to disregard my own interests.

but that's me, I'm not normal to start with. let's expand this thought. professional black women. bless you if you're there, girl. but let me recognize your struggle. you got there, through hard work and sheer determination, you're being recognized and awarded what you are due. but you still have to constantly prove yourself capable, because as a black women you are expected to either pop off and go 'angry black woman', slack off, or get knocked up, reducing your effectiveness in the workplace, none of which are valid, but that is the expectation, the belief.

let's visit the other end of the spectrum, the disadvantaged black woman. you already have it hard, maybe living ina poor economic situation, bad home life, abused perhaps. the expectation for any other race would be 'you're at the bottom, the only place to go is up!', thus pulling yourself up by your bootstraps and getting to a better state any way you can. but not for black women. with us, it's 'you're at the bottom, but let's see how much deeper you can go', the implication being that you're already disenfranchised, make it worse by having six kids by five men, do drugs and hook to survive.
what does this have to do with relationships and babies, kits? well I'm glad you asked, so let me tell you. this is why my black friends are mostly single or single moms. black women are the most  discriminated against group amongst Americans. now the caveat to this is that in the current political climate Muslims have it very rough any manyof them are fearful of the direction the country is headed. but even they have a definable place. peaceful hater of Islamic terrorists, or terrorist supporters. back to the black woman, though, where the fuck do we belong? we don't support each other as the beautiful sisters that we are, we struggle to find support among our black men, we are shunned if we find acceptance from another race or culture, and there is the ever present expectation of explosive or erratic behavior from us. where the fuck are supposed to go and what are we supposed to do in the constant crossfire?

I don't know. I'm just a lonely, fat, single black person. I'm just tired of being the girl outside while everyone else around me lives these beautiful amazing lives.. whatever, rant over. stay with me...

No comments:

Post a Comment