well...

the sex is going to take a little bit longer to compile than i thought. so look forward to that in future.

feeling some kind of way...

gonna be posting full on raunchiness tonight. look forward to it...

feeling soft

and i don't like it.

can't be helped, because of reasons. ugh...

but everything is making me so super sensitive and emotional.

i'm going investigate a way to alleviate this feeling. surely someone has blogged, vlogged or talked about this.

i know i'm not alone. and that has given me comfort at times when i have felt my absolute weirdest and most isolated. just a matter of finding a like kind.

in the meantime, a thought occurred to me after a disconcerting thought earlier... the less i think about you daily, the more i feel accomplished.

that is a good mantra for people you are better off forgetting but keep being reminded of. if you need it, like it, take it, it's yours.

this post is boring, vague and incomplete, have something:

part one and the conclusion

should probably post some of those akon pics. till next time, stay with me...

life

having a new experience tonight. going to a korean spa for the first time. i'm nervous, because i'm gonna have to get nekked at some point and i don't know what all i'm supposed to do, but i'm excited at the same time. yay life!

kind of better...

so I'm not just full of rage anymore. I plan on getting other peoples shit out of my house and making my living room sparkling, despite someone living in it. I still feel weird, disjointed. I kind of blame watching black butler. it has that kind of affect. but I don't know, I feel like I forgot something or something is missing, something is incomplete. it will work itself out, I'm blessed that it always does. just hate the slight anxious feeling on the meantime. I'll let you know if it's anything major once I figure it out. stay with me...

finally

doing shit my way and reliving stress.

this is scary

I'm angry. really and truly pissed off. and it gets worse every minute, every hour everyday that goes by. I have not been this angry in a long time. and I'm not sure what's going to happen if I blow up. I'm trying everything I can think of to not get to that point, but I'm being tested. I don't know how much longer I can stand this bullshit...

today (technically yesterday)

already frustrated when i got to work, i talked to nothing but fucking idiots all day. tumblr gave me two good laughs, and a few giggles from kill la kill. but now i have to go home. bluh...

just...

had a good time at akon, then come home to shit. I don't want this, I wanna go back to the good times. really in a horrible headspace and I want to be alone and can't. not one single solitary person gives two hot fucks about me or my feelings. I don't have anywhere to go or anyone to vent to. if I go absolutely fucking insane one day, let this be the record that it was all your faults for ignoring me.

akon 25, part 1

con is in full swing! did Gamzee today to get this bastard out of the way, but I've had an overwhelming positive response. despite the hell is put me through, glad I did this cosplay.

not taking a lot of pics due to the gloves and need to carry a bag (no fucking pockets...), but tomorrow I take TONS I pics. akon is trying to break a Guinness world record for most video game cosplayers at once and I'm participating with my Nao. also telling every game cosplayer I see to do the same. I wanna win!

alright, back to my expensive ass lunch, touch up the gamz, then back to the debauchery! stay with me...

almost done...

tired...

gloves painted yesterday, turned out pretty good. putting the nails on shortly. the left one will be a lil snug, but no one but me will know. I'm not letting people paw my costume. leave a lil mystique.

also finishing these awful pants. elastic's in. hemming the legs now. the don't really fit, but I'll make them work. they literally only have to last one day. I blame the pattern. I can follow instructions. but not when they are part English, mostly Russian. also, people over seas don't account for fat American ass, so there's that too. before August, I'll invest in a better pattern and fabric.

add insult to fucking injury, my sinuses are fucking up. so it's possibly I will be an itchy, snotty, coughing mess by Friday. a lil pissed about that, but the show must go on. has to, I've spent too much time and money to crap out now.

woo, akon 25. gonna hem this shit and take a nap, ugh...

can't sleep...

too excited. guidebook for akon is up. could sleep before thinking about what I have to finish before Friday. then I checked that and can't sleep from excitement. particularly for the video game character record breaking attempt. more on that later.

before I try to get back to sleep, however, I must announce that I finally finished two decent gloves to wear with my Gamzee. I will not have to wear the kanaya gloves. thank. GOD! painting of the gloves begins as soon as I wake up. so goodnight!

teenagers, sheesh...

they are fun, they can make you feel young, but ultimately, they are some of the most annoying and ridiculous creatures on the planet.

they do and say things with such grandiose and authority, like they are motherfucking experts and have really lived some life. shut up, you haven't done shit.

they can take a simple, normal, average topic that they have some facet of information about and drag it on and on and on and on and on. they don't fact check, they take their own (flawed) perspective and spout it as fact, truth and gospel.

they are so disgustingly emotional about bullshit. really? get over it and get over your

there are exceptions to all of these, of course. making the news, changing the world, be outstanding at a very early age. but they are still teenagers, so i know they still have their share of fantastic fuckery.

for all character building traits they lack, they are allowed. it's their one time in life to be this dumb and it be acceptable. soon they will be out in the real world were the stupid kooky shit you pulled as a teen will get them or their feelings severely hurt. or worse.

be annoying, kids. somehow, we'll love you regardless.