instead of having the balls to say no to being disrespected in my own place, I fled the scene and slept in a Walmart parking lot. I could have gone to my mother, but I did want to have to explain to her why I couldn't sleep in my house. all because I'm too nice and very alone in the world.
I'm sick of this shit. I do and do and do for others, with little to no appreciation. I inconvenience myself for other people's lives. I am a slave to 'yes' and nonconfontation.
please don't get me wrong, nonexistent readers, I do like to help people. every once in a while, with important things. but I've been constantly sapped almost all my life by people or situations I don't agree with it or like.
because it's just easier to give everyone what they want so they'll shut up. or not think less of me. that is, unfortunately, a factor in all this too. I don't want to be 'that person'.
but I'm really tired. I'm running out of life and spending way too much of what I have left on other peoples happiness. I've always just wanted to be left the hell alone, be around people and offer what I can on my terms.
so I'm turning up the no on a lot of shit. if I don't feel like it, don't want to, not interested, no. figure something else out. my save-a-hoe days are over. I'm probably going to look like a bitch but I kind of have to be from now on. if it came down to it, all the folks I help for free wouldn't do shit for me, so I gotta stick with the only person I know who's got my back, me.